Actually the Craziest Movie Ever Made

Kurtis Conner

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Title: Actually the Craziest Movie Ever Made: A Dive into Neil Breen’s Latest Masterpiece

If you think you’ve seen crazy, wait until you get a load of Neil Breen’s newest cinematic adventure, *Cade the Tortured Crossing*. For those uninitiated in the mysterious yet mesmerizing world of Neil Breen—an independent filmmaker who writes, directs, stars in (and probably shoots, edits, and snacks on-set with) his own mind-bending movies—get ready for a wild ride that defies all conventional movie-making logic.

Our journey begins with a heartfelt confession from a devoted fan who, six years ago, fell down the Neil Breen rabbit hole after watching *Fateful Findings*—a film about a man who hates laptops and uses supernatural powers to dismantle evil mega-corporations. If that sounds bonkers, wait until you hear about *Twisted Pair*, where identical twins morph into hybrid AIs—one a hero, the other a villain, because why not?

Neil Breen is basically the cult hero of indie cinema, showing up in each film as the uber-powered underdog who battles ominous corporations and, naturally, wins the girl. His movies have this unique flavor—think cryptic dialogue, super-specific superpowers, and storytelling that often leaves you scratching your head saying, “Wait, what just happened?”

Our narrator shares a dream-come-true moment when he tries to invest in Neil’s next film. Instead of the usual “here’s my business plan” pitch, Neil’s tactic is basically, “Dude, how much money do you wanna give me?” A conversation almost worthy of its own movie. But when asked about previous film investments, the fan’s honest “first time” answer sees him skillfully ghosted, leaving him pondering the cruel catch-22 of gaining experience only after having experience. Ouch.

Fast forward to 2023, and the sequel *Cade the Tortured Crossing* emerges—a follow-up to *Twisted Pair* starring twin cyborgs Cade and Kale, good and evil dueling it out once again. The big reveal? The movie is *even crazier*, *even better*, and *even more Neil Breen* than you could have imagined. Watching it in a packed theater in Hamilton, Ontario (his hometown, no less), our narrator was literally changed—by which he means he had a pants-related emergency, because sometimes great art hits you like that.

The story continues with a comedy of errors involving ordering the DVD (which apparently traveled by pigeon?) to finally buying the digital version after the snail mail fiasco. And now, with *Cade the Tortured Crossing* digitally available, the narrator urges everyone to watch it with friends for one of the most entertaining film experiences of the year. Spoiler alert: it’s a masterpiece of the wonderfully weird.

What truly stands out in Neil Breen’s work is his fearless commitment to *his* vision. Whether it’s laptops-hating supermen, twin AI cyborgs, or enigmatic storytelling, he’s making the exact films he wants, and that defiance is both inspirational and endlessly entertaining.

So, if you’re ready for a cinematic trip that’s part science fiction, part existential mystery, and 100% unfiltered Neil Breen, grab some friends, turn off your brain, and dive headfirst into *Cade the Tortured Crossing*. Warning: pants may not survive.

And while you’re at it, check out the narrator’s new favorite game, Midas Merge—a cute, stress-relieving escape that’s the perfect antidote after a Neil Breen movie marathon.

In summary: Neil Breen’s *Cade the Tortured Crossing* isn’t just a movie. It’s an experience. A beautiful, bewildering, and brilliantly bonkers journey into the mind of indie film’s most enigmatic auteur. Watch it, support it, and prepare to be changed… or at least mildly confused

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